Music Ramblings

My modus operandi:

I try extensively to think about music in terms other than good or bad, but if I had to pick between them I want to iterate that I think no music is bad.  I think that it's reductionist thinking to filter down every emotion, every note, every progression, every song, every bit of what the artist put into their work into such simple terms.  In reality, there is so much more to art than the critical lens may insist upon.  It is an innate human desire, much as any other action we involve ourselves in, making art in general is a drive similar to wanting to eat.  Because of this, I hate reading about the history of recorded music and how it became just another commodity and industry in the age of invention.  Far too often, industries are more worried over the perceived sale outcomes of the "product" than they are the actual artistic intentions and integrity.  So many albums, films, even photos, are determined for widespread release only if the distributor THINKS it will sell well.  So many albums have been shelved because of this, including releases that would have otherwise changed the course of music evolution.

We are both lucky to have and doomed because of the internet.  In an era where you can reach another human, halfway or fully across the globe in a matter of seconds, we have never been more disconnected as a species.  There is too much productivity in the platform, and it is an endless cycle of "getting things done" that never ends.  People use the internet as an excuse to never actually see their friends or meet neighbors in the real world.  It's not inherently bad to use as a platform, of course, it can easily facilitate real world events happening.  Because of that, it is an extremely useful tool but one to be held in a dangerous regard as well.  There is an endless abundance of history and science online, and yet people still fall into the same echo chambers of doubt and misinformation that has sent the world into a divisive disorder.  It's just as easy to be misled on the left as the right, and you should not be fooled that if you are using the internet you are being disposed to some level of misinformation and propaganda.  There has never been a more important time to go outside, and if you have to use the internet to make that happen: do.

My motivation for making music has historically been to eventually support myself financially with it, but unfortunately the way that always turns out is with some degree of major attention and fame, the likes of which have been known to corrupt and open yourself up to leaches of people.  No, I want to be regarded as an innovator and possibly even as an important influence on others, but fame is no longer my goal.

I release everything I make for the most part, sometimes rushing it and other times releasing stuff for sake of releasing something.  This was originally an algorithmic thing, trying to stay relevant and also just creating a database of what I had been working on.  This has become much more than a series of sloppy albums and EPs to me, I now see it as a living history of tunes.  I can see the influences of what I was listening to at the time, paired with my newest methods of creating it.  None of these rushed tracks were without some level of creativity, trial, error, and progression.  Each song reminds me of where I was then, what I was doing and thinking.  And there are no shortage as well of tracks that I spent more than one day on and perfected to the degree I saw it satisfactory.  I also have a large degree of the punk rock mentality still ingrained, I don't take everything I put out seriously and there exists quite a few joke tracks and releases.  If something can make you laugh out loud and become joyful, hasn't that track does it's job?  I don't see humor as a reason for looking down on any art, a lot of the time it's fully intentional, so seeing the art as "bad" because it's funny and non-serious is like thinking the artist doesn't know what they're doing.  Often, it's literally the point.

Lately though, I have felt somewhat bad about most of my output being instrumental.  Sure, I throw politics and real world issues into my music, but it's far too occasionally.  I, and every other artist with a platform has a duty to inform their fans of what they believe in.  Doing anything else would be betraying your own values.  Thusly, I am devoting some major future releases and large scale projects to the cause.

January 24th, 2024

I just wanted to pop my head in before starting a new gig at a plant nursery to say that I realized that without even trying, I long ago got out of the mindset of life milestones.  Sure, there's a first for everything, but I think it's best adjusted to like any other changes you'll experience.  It might have been luck, or it might have been my wariness to this after watching Boyhood and see the mom break down in tears that she lived for each milestone, giving second or third thought to the present moment itself.  It's all we have, and each day I've found that I live with the most randomness possible.  I'm always open to adventure, and will go far out of my way to have grand experiences that I share with those close to me.  The last milestone I feel like I really reached was graduating college, the only thing I wanted to really be over and done with was school.  The confines of learning in those types of environments was not one that I liked at all.  Sure, I learned quicker and more easily than some of the other students.  But the reason for this was just that I had better memorization skills.  Within months of the classes ending, I would forget it all.  That's not real learning, if we are to just consume and regurgitate much like our factories do.  Schools are designed to make efficient workers, not knowledgeable populace.

It's also been on my mind as of late that I've seen a trend my entire life that I only recently have learned to put into words.  People are quick to react, of course.  The mind is another muscle, and reacts the way it has been taught to perceive things.  This is how people get into the pattern of criticizing anything and everything, without first understanding what they are criticizing.  It feels like a vital step, but people I have found to be quick in their judgements and have to be taught step by step why certain things were done, in art in actions in everything.  This extends even to a conversation I had the other day, in which someone was sooo close to seeing the faults of their thinking patterns.  They were critical of those that control, and yet continuously blamed others who have been effected by the same systems as the causers of our collective oppression.  So close.  Quick to say why this structure was outdated, why that practice is not helpful, and yet blamed their neighbor.  This disease has been spreading for far too long, and at it's very core it represents distrust in our relationships with each other.  Making friends out to be enemies.  We have reason to trust those affected by a similar or the same war, because without building community we are doomed collectively.

February 12th, 2024

My new album was completed today, it's set to come out sometime this week and it's clear that it's way different than anything else I've released.  While those were my intentions going into it, using techniques I'd never considered previously, the real deciding factor was the production/mixing/mastering done by Valyri Sheffner Harris in exchange for my old laptop.  Their production work on the album brings it to heights I'd never imagined before in my music, and upon my first listening of the first track I cried.  To my own music.  That has never happened before, but something about this album feels way bigger than myself, idk maybe it's the pronounced commentary on the current world we live in.  Maybe it's the feeling that this album is my best work so far, idk.  One things for sure though it's more subversive than anything I've ever put out, which was 100% intentional.  My job as an artist is mainly to serve myself and my needs for creating, but in that and by listening as an audience that becomes new emotions in others.  Others I will never meet, will never interact with.  But they will take away something or other from my music, and for the first time I can say that what I've designed with Valyri is important art.  Sure, a lot of my art has sounded cool and when there are lyrics they explore facets of my life that make me understand events more, but there's only so much introspection I'm capable of, I feel like I'd be failing as an artist if I didn't use my medium for encouraging change as well.

March 3rd, 2024

It's sinking in more every passing day that I'm going on my first tour, not with a band, not just solo, but EVER.  The first time I will be playing music in a live setting to an audience for multiple days consecutively.  What's even cooler is that I booked the tour with the help of ppl I've met throughout my life, and that the ppl joining me on this tour are friends who have their own solo acts.  I could not have asked for a better touring group, or a better time to be doing this.

My plans for the shows are also becoming more intricate, I don't want to reveal too much to whoever might be reading this and planning on attending, but I am gonna be playing guitar, electric style, for the first time live.

Which leads me more into what I want to discuss this time: cornered and forced art.

In any band I've ever been in, I was forced into meeting up once or twice a week, and forced to play drums.  Yes, I've played drums longer than most instruments.  I'm in fact pretty good at it, but the fact that I had no choice to play any other instrument, and sometimes I would recieve aggressive comments if I had to take extended breaks or got bored with drumming for the day.  That's just not how I am comfortable creating art.  I would much much rather create at my own pace, when I want where I want with who I want as often or as little as I want.  When art becomes business and commodity it feels less impactful to my own benefit or even as far as what kind of music I am capable of creating.

I've really honed in on my improvisational skills after realizing about a year ago that the band life was not for me.

I want to talk on the difference between what is good and bad art, and the nuance that comes with it.

Good art, would be something that teaches, that challenges, that feels.  Something that might take time to click.  Good art is something that impacts the culture and people surrounding and/or appreciating it.

Bad art, would be something that is familiar, that operates best as background music for a shopping center, that is inoffensive and without deeper thought.

Both forms of art, however, have the capability to create good or bad impacts.  Say, there's like a song by a former... authority.  That people listen to and are like, well, "this is bad art.  the purpose of this is rooted in bigotry, rooted in harmful language, rooted in crucial misunderstandings about the world and will in fact make it worse to live in." Someone could hear this and cause deliberate change in their world that will effect others.  This could be either good or bad based on who is trying to create the change and how effective they are at doing so.

Being trapped in a box as far as your art goes is a fast way to make your art feel unfruitful and pointless.  Going 100% solo forever was a good idea, and one I would recommend to every musician.  We should not have to box ourselves up to be shipped by labels to people who will listen once and never revisit.

April 1st, 2024

Apparently there is what is being.  Relativity among concepts is profound in it's hyperconnectedness, and also subtle, small, webbed.  The thin layers of connection are yet re-enforced with the bonds of eons ago and next.  Our job is to guide, to change.  And those with us changing us, as we meld into all.  And meld into all.  All.

In a day and a half I will be performing at a venue where Portrayal of Guilt will be 3 days later.  A venue I first knew as a tour stop for Jeff Rosenstock and have yet to see with my own eyes.  The gravity of my duty is sinking in, the acceptance of this tour's personal and social implications has been humbling and I clench my shoulders jaw lips in fear, in anxiety, in the unknown's door.  I await these questions to be answered.  To succeed in my experiment.

Can we connect to the music as we did before the possibility of recording?

April 7th, 2024

My question was answered with a resounding no.  At least in this state of nonconsensual life we all live under industrialism and unconscious mass production, we as humans have a collective attention that seems to be focused on survival and things that will seemingly strengthen our bond more as having that chance at life.  In other words, things seen as unproductive/entertainment/subtle are not as regarded as the psyche-feeding reality they are and were more regarded in previous ages.

As the world changes, different methods for engaging in art will arise, and this all is not meant to be negative in every regard.  Whether or not one knows there are waves around us, they are.  Our energy is finite, and necessity or seemingly obligatory actions prove more worthwhile for most than things that can only really be fully engaged with during a sense of rest/calm.

June 3rd, 2024

Art does not need to be anything inherently obvious or up to some invisible standard.  It does not have to say anything for people to respond to it, and even as easily could be made with strong distaste and adversion in mind to it's creation.  Art can be made as a response in itself, and often manifests itself in our daily lives as performance variables and expressive acts.  Our very lives are artistic, much like how the art is an extension of an artist is that art reflects an extension of ourselves and inner need to create.

The understandings of myself my art has taught me have been valuable lessons, that change framing with time spent.  I want to continue to push myself as an artist as I want to push my audience to grow with me.  I often have elements in my music solely for the strange rejection of tradition and to challenge what people expect and think about music, especially regarding a hidden "skill" level of the performer.  I feel like a baby playing a keyboard is expressive and emotional much in a similar way as more regarded free improvisational performers, and the line by which one is considered more or less genuine approaches to music is a line not worthy of distinguishing.

August 26th, 2024

As the year has passed us by, my motivation and insight into the art I'm making has drastically shifted.  As in previous years, there is still ambition I feel towards making unique sounds and recording them, but the drive for creating it has changed considerably due to change of life circumstances.  With this new lifestyle I am progressively getting used to, my creations have been more sporadic.  When I have been creating, it has rarely been in the songwriting fashion.  I think that the ways in which I made music previously has become boring, as I have found before with other creative shifts.  It is rarely a conscious choice, what wants to be made is played naturally.  I have let go of a lot of the fundamental basics of music in most of my output this year, bringing the glitch aspect of my electronic music into a constantly shifting and decaying improvised guitar style (and other instruments have seen this mode of play as well).  Things like tempo, timbre, and melody are oft betrayed, leading to a sense of distrust and confusion.  This reflects how the year has effected me, as I am in a period of deconstruction as well, it begins to make sense why I haven't been able to approach my art in the same ways as before.

Regardless, my goal this year is to continue the 12 albums of the year trend I have followed since January, and write songs to be supplemented by improv before the year ends.  Music theory is also something I want to further explore.

I am unsure/curious how I will view this year's output in the future.  Each year has taught me valuable lessons about myself through the previous art I have made.

October 25th, 2024

I reflect quite often in life, comparing bits and pieces of memory however unreliable, of emotions painted in tingling nostalgic celebration and denials, of selves in past and what could have been?  What is now and what could further change?

Particularly, am I as invested in music and art as a whole quite as emotionally in comparison to when I was gaining immense love for it around ten years ago?

I think that there are differing conditions then and now that becomes difficult to compare for aforementioned reasons, but I will attempt regardless.  The first thing I immediately notice that is different then to now, is the rush of pure emotion, hairs standing on end, wishing for a life that I so desperately wanted.

Now, I'm 26 and in another half a year, 27.  The feelings I got of pure catharticism from listening to music that I connected with deeply remains at times but is more seldom, I don't think that should be the deciding factor if I am connecting with art, as emotions can often have differing ways of showing.  However, my attention is surely different than it was then.  Constant social media use and continuing obstacles that were not present then are very much demons in my current life.  Though, I have very much now lived the life I dreamed of as I came of age.  The dreams I had of spending long nights with friends, laughing and connecting, has been achieved to an extent that it is comfort and it is routine.  Being a part of the music scene has become a major part of my adult life, and though it looks very different for me now than in early adulthood, it remains important the people I connect with and the art they make serves as inspiration for my own art, way I carry myself, admiring how people flow in conversation, in artistry.  It has become something so precious and dear to me that I cannot fully express it except through these comprehensive essays, leaving out only still what slips my conscious memory and passion remaining.  I am passionate to an extent that I oft speak in paragraph form in speech, in text, in internal monologue, which is both alienating and grounding in that I do not operate how people have become used to with others.

Digressing back to connection with art, I feel that since getting into music by way of punk rock, I have never lost that initial spark save for particularly distressing periods of my life.  I am still, if not exponentially more so, invested in the histories and intersections, of meanings and purposes, that artists had when relaying their minds unto the creation.  I feel like knowing artists personally, seeing their passion, failure, resilience firsthand has only widened the gamut of how I approach and love art rather than it being diminished over time by saturation.  The more music I get into, I am able to further appreciate things from the past that I did not understand then.  I have been able and more readily equipped to gain appreciation for things that I never would have considered listening to back then.

Though my dream is accomplished, I don't wish to awake from it.